Jack Rabbit

Once there was a magician. One day he went to the magic store to buy some new magic supplies. He bought some rings, foam balls, trick cards and a trick hat. When he got home he tried them out. He knocked the rings together and pulled them taut. He tossed foam balls back and forth in his hands. He tried a card trick in the mirror. He reached into the bottom of his hat and pulled out a live jack rabbit. The jack rabbit brandished a small jack rabbit-sized pistol in his left paw. He demanded that the magician give him all of his money. This the magician did and the jack rabbit hopped out the window, through the hedge, and was gone.

One week later a second magician in the same city was practicing his routine for a gig. He was a slightly better performer than the first magician, got more gigs, and made more money. He stood before his practice mirror practicing and pulled a bunny out of his hat. In the mirror he could only see the back of the rabbit, but when his eyes finally met the bunny's he saw that the rabbit held a little pistol in its left paw. It demanded all of the magician's money. The second magician complied and the jack rabbit made off with a fine sum.

There was a wealthy businessman who dabbled in magic and had recently bought some fine new supplies and a manual. He was following the instructions from his magic book and teaching himself tricks. He reached into his magic hat and pulled out a white jack rabbit, who brandished a little pistol in his left paw. The jack rabbit demanded all of the wealthy man's money, which it was given before the bunny hopped out the patio door with a pillow case full of cash on his back.

One night at the opera a few weeks later, three smart-looking gentlemen stood by a plant in the lobby during intermission, sipping white wine. They were the two magicians and the wealthy businessman. They were all wearing tails and fine black tophats. The topic of conversation turned to their apparel, and eventually to their hats. The first magician was asked how much he paid for his hat. A little embarrassed, he rang up in his mind the cost of the hat, plus the amount of money the jack rabbit had robbed him of a month earlier.

"1,235 dollars, " he said.

Without expression, the second magician also secretly calculated his net loss to the bandit bunny, added it to the actual cost of the hat, and said, "Mine cost 2,350 dollars, not to sound gauche."

The businessman was also nonplussed, and remarked thoughtfully, "Mine cost me 5,810 dollars."

The three men politely bid each other adieu and returned to their seats at the sound of the bell to hear the final act of the opera.

THE END

Moral #1: If you are ever robbed by a jack rabbit, go to the opera.

Moral #2: If you are ever asked about how much your hat cost, lie.

12/10/05